I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
