I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
