you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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