Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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