thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
