I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
