then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
