Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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