why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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