I faked an abortion last night.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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