I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
