Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
