Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
