Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

I could have mohawked her pubes.

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(815): View more from Illinois

His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead

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(651): View more from Minnesota

how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar

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(805): View more from California

Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.

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(208): View more from Idaho

She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.

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(440): View more from Ohio

I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy

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(607): View more from New York

You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs

(1-607): View more from New York

tuesdays get the best of me...

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