I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
