I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
