honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
