Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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