Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize