Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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