Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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