I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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