why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
