Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
