Already got asked if we're dating
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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