literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
