i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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