So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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