I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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