i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
