did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I want to have your abortion
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
