DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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