whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
