He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize