he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
