she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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