Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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