tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
