Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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