I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you win again, gameday.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
