im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
