i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Is it because I queefed?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
