Porn is love you can see.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize