she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
