ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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