there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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