Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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