There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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