I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
