Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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