Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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