my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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