420 ftw
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
