I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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