How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
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