i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
