Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
