the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Is it penis luge time yet?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
