I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
whose parrot is this?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
