let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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