I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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