i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
