you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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