god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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