You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
