if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
