i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
