My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
